Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
