Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We are two peas in an std pod
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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