I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
