what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
