just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
