YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
