Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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