i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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