She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
