Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
