Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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