I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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