umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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