One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
