ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
