Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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