Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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