im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
