She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
