we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
