i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
