I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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