i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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