I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
