do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sarcasm needs its own font
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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