In the future we'll all be gay
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize