I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
