I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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