So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
