Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
