she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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