Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
