Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
