guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
