I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
