i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
