OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
