Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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