Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
