highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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