I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am one with the molecules
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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