Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
