I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
