I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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