theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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