walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
