I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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