you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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