Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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