im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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