just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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