dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
