I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
