So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
