so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
