I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
