i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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