At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
