wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
