My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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