if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
