My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize