I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Houston, we have a squirter
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize