I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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