Already got asked if we're dating
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
