what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
