ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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