erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
