I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
