We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
