how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
