I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
