I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
