if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
