So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
