I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How external is "for external use only"?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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