this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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