I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
