i need an iv and a liver transplant
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
