True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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