I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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