Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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