I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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