If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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