I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
