im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
