Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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