now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
