3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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