Don't make out with my wife yet
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
