Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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