My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize